7/10/04 McDonald's sued over its french fries. (Yahoo)
7/10/04 Some pelicans mistaking asphalt for lakes. (Yahoo)
6/3/04 Boy faints at spelling bee, then pegs word. (Yahoo)
5/19/04 Giuliani: N.Y. never wanted to be attacked. (Reuters)
5/14/04 Shock of war hits home for something like twenty countries. (Yahoo)
5/13/04 CIA says Grinch stole Christmas. "It's a slam dunk." (AP Wire)
11/19/03 Iraqis say Saddam not leading attacks. We told them it was cool—Bush isn't running things here either. (Reuters)
11/14/03 Rumsfeld: Iraq guerrillas a deadly threat. Sigourney Weaver immediately to replace Condaleeza Rice as head of Iraqi reconstruction thing. (Reuters)
7/18/03 French ministry bans the term 'e-mail' (Yahoo)
7/17/03 Record number of WTC designs submitted. As opposed to what? The number submitted in 1997? (Yahoo)
4/30/03 U.S video kills Libya's radio star. (Reuters)
4/20/03 Saddam son-in-law will surrender to Susan Sarandon. (Reuters)
4/8/03 U.S. declares air supremacy over Iraq. Will also provide new evidence that earth is round and fire is hot. (Yahoo)
4/2/04 Metallic sound heard by space crew. (Yahoo)
3/12/03 Texas Supreme Court delays 300th execution so Bush can attend celebration. (Yahoo)
3/3/03 Magazine: Jackson put 'curse' on Spielberg. Why not George Lucas? (Yahoo)
2/2/03 Punxatawny Phil arrested. (Yahoo)
1/30/03 Shoe bomber sentenced to life on Nike assembly line. (Yahoo)
12/19/02 Soccer shootouts may trigger heart attacks. (Yahoo)
12/19/02 Study: Playboy centerfolds less curvaceous. (Yahoo)
11/28/02 U.S. denies everything. (Yahoo)
11/22/02 Mexico City hires Rudy Giuliani for $4.3M (Twilight Zone)
10/24/02 Bush says Germany no longer germaine. (Yahoo)
10/23/02 Sniper offers to turn himself in in exchange for immunity.(Yahoo)
5/3/02 New 'crustless' bread aimed at kids. Government activates security level yellow.
4/30/02 Oil firms say they don't control prices. Britney Spears says she doesn't control twelve year old boys. And God says bad things definitely not His fault. (Yahoo)
4/19/02 Abercrombie signs Andersen to shred remaining Asian caricature shirts. (Yahoo)
4/16/02 U.S. denies ties to Venezuela coup, also denies ties to next week's coup in Argentina. (Yahoo)
4/14/02 Emerson Fittipaldi changes name. Changes it back later. (Yahoo)
3/16/02 EU summit turns violent. (Yahoo)
3/15/02 Man tosses grenade at U.S. (Yahoo)
3/15/02 Twinkie and Ding Dong to 'take it out back' and 'settle this once and for all.' (Creamy Filling Hoo)
3/13/02 Magazine locates 'Afghan Girl'. (Yahoo)
3/13/02 Bush: U.S. nukes are deterrent. (Yahoo)
3/13/02 INS grants visa approval to two dead Sept. 11 hijack suspects. Will send Bin Laden the chicken salad sandwich he ordered next week. (David Lynch-hoo)
3/12/02 Darryl Strawberry back in jail. To save trouble, just re-read this in about two months. (Yahoo)
3/12/02 U.S. unveils color-coded alerts. Rainbow accuses government of 'stealing our colors.' (Yahoo)
3/10/02 Four-year old sees meaning in art deco style. (Yahoo)
3/02/02 U.S. bombs Afghan mountains. God says he can make more. (Yahoo)
3/01/02 Columbia launches from Florida. In related news, Yahoo employees cautioned for smoking out on job. (Yahoo)
3/01/02 New government study: sex therapy not cheap. (Yahoo)
2/27/02 U.S. wants bin Laden family DNA. No we don't. (Yahoo)
2/14/02 Bush unveils plan to accelerate global warming, dubbed ‘2010 by 2010.’ (Yahoo)
12/28/01 U.S. says China can have its damn pandas back. (Yahoo)
12/28/01 Giuliani delivers farewell speech. Then he actually leaves. (Yahoo)
12/20/01 Argentine president quits. I quit too. (Yahoo quits too)
12/05/01 Ancient scientists discover erotic fish. (Yahoo)
11/14/01 Ancient erotic frescoes unveiled. Covered back up immediately. (Yahoo)
11/13/01 Taliban say they have taken aid workers to Kandahar. Next stop, Euro Disney. (Yahoo)
11/12/01 Bush to grant China three wishes. (Yahoo)
11/10/01 FBI: Same person likely wrote anthrax letters. In a related story, 'duh.' (Duhoo)
11/9/01 Girl charged for slapping Prince Charles with flower. On second thought, maybe America's not so bad. (Yahoo)
11/3/01 Bush urges calm on anthrax. Will meet with mosquitos next week. (Who)
10/28/01 Iraqi prime minister calls claims they are producing anthrax ridiculous. 'Shit, we had that ten years ago.' (Fabricated)
10/25/01 Anthrax sent to Daschle was Pure. (Yahoo)
10/12/01 Prime minister of Luxembourg denounces terrorism. (CNN Breaking News)
9/30/01 Nike admits Woods doesn't use balls he endorses. Two people are shocked. (CBS Sports Lie)
9/22/01 Bush says economy 'strong' as U.S. readies for war. Wait, is that true? (Yahoo)
9/8/01 Columbia extradites alleged drug lord Ochoa to U.S. In return, Columbia will get Jennifer Lopez for one year. (Yahoo)
6/19/01 Scientists solve neutrino puzzle. Will now begin work on Jon Benet case. (Yahoo)
6/2/01 Comatose Nepal prince named king after massacring royal family. In related news, Jenna Bush attemps to purchase handgun using fake I.D. (Yem-hoo)
5/28/01 Peru Prime Minister calls Brazilian vice president fat. (Yahoo)
5/22/01 Government study: infants should be allowed to just be themselves. (BooHoo)
5/8/01 Bush creates terrorism office. First target: Beijing. (Yahoo)
4/23/01 Bush decides against high-tech arms sale to Taiwan. Will sell to Peru instead. (Yahoo)
4/24/01 Peru says it won't went by the book on U.S. plane tragedy. (Yahoo)
4/21/01 Peru downs U.S. missionary plane, two killed. (Yahoo)
4/21/01 Chechen rebels seize hotel in downtown Istanbul. Now that's some old school terrorism. (AP Wired)
4/19/01 NASA unveils prototype of world's fastest plane. Airlines urge calm, say it will not interrupt delays. (Newark Time)
4/16/01 Fired NTV journalists to work at different Russian network. Yeah right, the Goolag Gazette. (Yahoosky)
3/27/01 US Military to be phased out by 2004. Will be replaced by The Three Stooges. (L.A. Times)
3/26/01 Two U.S. F-15s reported missing over Scotland. US military contemplates 'just packing it in'. (Yahoo)
3/23/01 Russia expels 50 U.S. diplomats. U.S. to counter by expelling all people whose names begin with the letter Y. (Yahoosky)
3/20/01 Bush vows to destroy environment before Taliban can do it. (Yahoo)
2/26/01 "Operation Smart Fuel" sees British pilots hover directly over Iraqi radar sites and leak fuel on them. Pentagon not amused by what's being hailed as the greatest military practical joke ever. (Reuters)
1/17/01 Head shrinker calls Kennedy's a dream head. (Yahoo)
12/20/00 Pinochet indictment thrown out. Picked up by small fishing boat in South Atlantic. (Yahoo)
12/15/00 Source of Amazon River pinpointed. Republicans ready bill to destroy it. (Yahoo)
11/2/00 Women seek FDA approval of anti-androgen therapy to treat high sex drive in men (MDConsult)
11/1/00 ACOG urges caution in using androgen therapy to treat low sex drive in women (MDConsult)
CNN (or FOX)(or MSNBC) cutting people off in mid-sentence to go to some idiotic segment full of sound and byte and signifying nothing.
White House ex-press secretary Joe Lockhart saying "atcept" rather than "accept."
All ex-White House press secretaries.
When a really obnoxious term gets incorporated into the vocabulary of the day, just because one high profile wanker starts using it. For example, when Samuel Berger said Milosevic was going to "hunker down." God, I had to listen to that stupid term over and over and over. The latest one is that awful, the "U.S. side" this, the "U.S. side" that some god damn Chinese translator thought up. And now all the international journalists are saying it. And they want US to apologize. I also find the new term 'Office of Homeland Protection' somewhat repugnant. It sounds too much like the term 'fatherland' from the Nazi era. But wait, I guess since we're now in that era again, per Bush, why not? Anyway, the term carries a sort of 'us against them' ring to it, which probably just reminds everyone why they want to blow us up in the first place. I don't want to blow us up. Let me be clear about that. I want to live. I just would like a more gender neutral term for Homeland Defense. I suggest 'Office of Domestic Security' or something else equally mundane. We don't need our juices flowing. Office of Homeland Sausage.
Also extremely annoying is when people say Saddam Hussain is evil because he would use biological weapons on his own people. So then it would be okay if he had used them on other people?
1/17/05 Panel endorses Rico to be secretary of state.(Yahoo)
10/16/02 IRS may use debt collectors for back taxes. This is going to be cool. (Yahoo)
2/27/02 U.S. wants bin Laden family DNA. No we don't. (Yahoo)
1/17/01 Head shrinker calls Kennedy's a dream head. (Yahoo)
9/3/00 Astronomers spot mysterious star. (Yahoo)
5/15/00 Saccharin dropped from cancer list. Will be replaced with Italian pop singer Zucchero (Yahoo.UK)
