Themes (Facilitation):

“The nymphs are departed...Departed, have left no addresses.”

We've all been to parties where girls and guys are handed out nuts and bolts, so they can move about the space looking for their match. Subtle. But what about the phone number hassle? Well, I've heard of golf parties where everyone gets a score card and a little pencil (little pencils are great for making tiny grocery lists). I've heard of elementary school themes with report cards (carbon copy goes to her parents). I’ve always pushed for an auto inspection theme where everyone gets a detailed checklist. Hasn't happened. Some people have had success with name tags.

Atmosphere-Lights:

The darker the better. Most people look better in the dark, so why not take advantage of it? Of course, have lights where alcohol is being administered, but for the socializing areas, offer people a range from medium to darkly lit areas. Black lights are always in, while colored bulbs can also work. Candles are a fire hazard. No one can improve on candles.

Atmosphere-Background Video:

The video must be placed behind a window or high atop a shelf. This is not just to create a symbolic separation from the rest of the party, but also to keep people from F-in' with it. The idea is to enrich your atmosphere using the coolest video possible that many people still haven’t seen. And no sound. Videos are plainly cooler without the sound. Moreover, you want people to enjoy the feeling of what's on, not get sucked into it (i.e., no X-files). Shows like the original Avengers series and Chuck Jones cartoons are good choices for their visual splendor. You can get other ideas from your more eclectic friends. For movies, you can go black and white with Orson Welles’ or any Frederico Fellini film. Amarcord if color. It's damn near impossible to not to turn on the sound with Juliet of the Spirits. You can always do The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, but might I recommend Once Upon a Time in the West for a twist. Personally, I like to go with The Mystery of Picasso by Henri-Georges Clouzot.

Alcohol:

One word: variety. The more different types of alcohol you provide, the more happy consumption will occur. You must have a few good examples of wine (red and white), beer and the various hard drink reagents. No Zima, but you can have Stolichnaya Citrona. And you can never have enough ACE pear cider. It really helps if you can have someone actually mixing drinks for people. Every circle of friends has room for one super-macho bartender type. If you put two of these friends in the same bowl by mistake, they will kill each other instantly. If this arguably unfortunate event happens, all is not lost. Just divide the responsibility among the remaining hosts, so that someone is serving the drinks at all times.

Food:

Come on now, at least have something better than chips and other pigeon food. You don't have to buy a $600 leg of prosciutto, not that I would complain, but try to do something. There are too many possibilities to list here, but you can't go wrong if you just put out a little. Don't go to the trouble of having a cool party only to wank on the food. Better food means more repeat customers. What about pot luck, you ask? Pot luck nothing-tell certain friends exactly what you want. Kiss up. Get their best stuff. Appeal to their pride. Tell them Johnny is bringing his best blowtorch to make his famous creme brulee, and he told me to tell you, ‘It’s twice as good as that apple pie your mama makes.’ That'll get you a couple of pies for sure.

At this point, you're getting dangerously close to the parties your parents put on. In fact, if you're not careful, your parents will start showing up at your parties. But don't worry, they'll still complain about the loud music, and what the hell is that television set doing behind the curtain. Is that supposed to be clever?





My Last Party...