The State of Awesome

by our own Wang O'Connor
Tuesday 03.08.05

i protest you

Once there was a universal scale of awesome, which all obeyed and relished. It's hard to believe, in these days of internet and word of mouth, that once the whole world could crowd around the TV and watch the A-Team craft a war sled out of allsorts while imprisoned in a derelict Kay-Bee Toys, and look at each other and nod warmly and agree, "this is awesome."

Why? Because these are the new times, or the end times, depending on who you ask, and what is awesome is constantly changing and refining and growing more complex. The people who study the phenomenon, awesomologists, or "judicious levitists," as they are known in some circles, curiously choose to stay inside their domiciles and have all that is awesome come at them, in the form of magazines, inter nets, televisions and stereos, text messages, visitors, etc. Theirs is an onerous but awesome task, and they carry on through vows of purity and chastity—but not obedience, as this would impede their studies. There are awesomologists located in all major cities; you may know one.

And I would like to finally note one more curious quality that may help you spot the elusive awesomologist. It is that finding the state of awesome is an obsession to them, so much so that, unfortunately, they seem to take no joy or wonder in it, but doggedly plod on, with only the explosions set up by Hannibal to light their way.

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