Simply Rant

It's a pompous and useless word no matter how you slice it - and it should be charbroiled from the English language.

Anything simply can do, just can do just as well.

You can't just generalize like that.

Simply add turkey brains, and simmer 30 minutes.

Look, don't simply add them, just add them for Christ's sake.

The problem as it stands on the web today.
Example 1 - From a website I came across:
“Eliot's description of what poetry is in his essay is simply not general enough. Instead, he focuses on those who want to be removed from it, and as a result, describes something that does not seem to be art.” [See entire essay here. It is recommended that you do not.]
Example 2 - From page one of a metacrawler search on "ts eliot" (no periods in ts).
326 T.S. Eliot
Eliot is simply this century's greatest poet in the English language. He is not its most enjoyable on a first reading—that would be Frost. Nor is he its most successful pioneer of sound and language—I allow that to Stevens. [the site] (Excite)
  • Coming Soon...the "Nor" rant and the "I allow that" rant...
Example 2a - From a review on some website of the Kubrick film Barry Lyndon.
Unfortunately, while Barry Lyndon is a film worthy of the Kubrick oeuvre, Warner's transfer of this film to disc is simply abominable.
The solution here is simple enough.
Praise your favorite genius by being assertive but not pompous like the previous reviewers. This effective praise comes from a typical metacrawler search for "Beethoven" and "if nothing more than".
741 The Unheard Beethoven
Ludwig van Beethoven (1770-1827) was one of the greatest, if not the greatest, composer to ever live. Most people are familiar with a few of his works, if nothing more than the beginning of the Fifth Symphony, the Finale of the Ninth Symphony and the "Moonlight" Sonata. [the site] (Excite)
As you can see, it's okay to be a little attacking. Make people feel bad about their ignorance, but without making them defensive and losing them.
Example 3 - This is the “afterward” that comes with's monthly email: [see Email Prank]
You're on this list because you subscribed, submitted or entered a contest. If you can't stand to get one mail a month reminding you about our lovely cutting-edge proactive humor, simply reply to this message with "Go away forever" in the subject.

Bonus Tracks for this Page:

Track 9
Related Rant From The World Wide Web (God I hate that term)
  • The Fish Is Meat Movement (Pay careful attention to the the second sentence, and remember, we had nothing to do with that site!)

Track 11
Recipe for Humor

Take any word that you have issues with, run some web-searches for various topics (you don't necessarily have to be an expert in the topic) and use ctrl-F to find that word. Cut and paste the results. Make some snappy remarks. And presto! Second-rate web humor.

The egregiousness of simply was first pointed out to me by Mike Green of the Wasteland Hypertext Site. The best use of "simply" I ever heard was in Chuck Jones' The Scarlet Pumpernickel, where Porky says, "I'm simply furious" and the daughter says, "I'm simply delighted."

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