Blackhawk Downer (Mandella's Cut) (2001)
Ridley Shotput: Gladiator, Blade Runner!

I don’t have to tell you why I see certain movies. However, I will describe my reaction to Black Hawk Down from a purely military perspective. Now, you must realize my military background is sweeping. I have logged over one hundred hours on CNN spanning two Gulf Wars and that time Donald Rumsfeld actually changed his mind—about which flavor gelato he liked best. I have also had extensive experience with Risk and Stratego growing up, and I once even read the entire back of the jewel case for the DVD of Patton. So I am obviously more than qualified to comment on whether Black Hawk Down was realistic. Yes, I think it seemed pretty realistic, didn’t you? And it didn’t preach like it might have, thank God. The production value was high, and the actors were all convincing. The sense of chaos and desperation was well done. But if you really want to see some carnage, try watching an uncensored session of the Singapore parliament. I’m serious. There’s chair throwing, kicking, scratching, biting and spitting (and spitting’s not even legal!). In summary, Somalia sucked. Let’s not do that again.

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