Dear Yahoo Customer Service,

            I have tried jamming the wet fish into my CD Rom drive, and this did nothing. I have licked my finger and gently rubbed the underside of the mouse. This also did not produce the expected results. I have looked askance at the monitor, keyboard and surge protector all. Nothing. I drank the ram’s blood with one eye closed and chanted the incantations, twice. But it was of no use. I even put on NPR on a pocket radio and placed it on top of the tower, for ten whole minutes. I am lost. We are lost. All is lost.

Sincerely,

Peter Jones