Dear Mr. Bruce,

            I know comedy is your thing but I wanted to ask you about what it was like to live in Queens. My girlfriend and I were thinking of moving there some time. Our friend Mike says it’s not as bad as it was like ten years ago. She’s a waitress and I’m a bartender. I figure we could find work there pretty easy in some neighborhood bar or something. Do you think we could get like a two bedroom walkup or something for under $1000 maybe? We also have a couple of dogs. Do you know any good areas to live for people with dogs? Like maybe with some parks or something?

Saw your show in Scranton last month. Fuckin’ great.

All the best,

Pete Bronson