The following letters were found in a small, metal lock-box recovered from what is believed to have once been a ranch in a place called Texas. In the box there was also a small axe, a machete and what appears to be, for lack of a better description, face paint. We may never know the true purpose of the letters or the other mysterious items, but most experts agree they must have been placed in the box in order to protect the nearby inhabitants from their effects. This is one of only a few surviving artifacts from that era.

Day 7

Dear Laura,

I hope this letter finds you in good health. It’s been seven days since I last saw you, and still I have no new heads to promise you. We almost had a battle yesterday at Jake’s BBQ, but to my great disappointment, it turned out to be only a mere misunderstanding. Apparently there is more than one kind of rhubarb. I know Jenna and Laura, Jr. must be getting anxious for something new to play with, but I’m sure it won’t be long now. Take care my love. I will write again as soon as I am able.

Day 8

Dear Laura,

Another day has passed and still no heads. I told the man at the gas station his prices were unreasonable and that he didn’t deserve to have a family. He just laughed and said he didn’t want one. I am trying my love. I will try harder.

Day 20

Dear Laura,

Perhaps I am trying too hard. Perhaps I’ve been under too much stress. Maybe I just need to relax and let things happen. I will do this, for us.

Day 32

Dear Laura,

My therapist says if I follow his instructions, I will be healthy in no time. He has given me some pills to take. He says a lot of people have my problem and that pills can help. Please give my love to Jenna and Laura, Jr. I know I will be home soon.

Day 224

Dear Laura,

Tahiti is beyond all expectations. I promise I will send for you and the children as soon as the dry season is over.

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